After a long period of writer's block, posts are now coming out like a deluge. Don't know if that is a good thing or not - but sometimes it does feel better when I get things out on this page - my refuge, my confession box, my cave...
An impertinent boy I know keeps talking about how I need to shaken up - like a martini...that will apparently cure all my inertia. What I haven't told him that I don't need shaking... I've been beaten up like eggs , time and again - what I started with and what I have now are so different in color and texture that I can barely recognize it myself!!
I am a little sick of Facebook - the novelty has worn off. Actually it wore off quite sometime back...now it's a habit, like brushing teeth twice a day! I'm not really interested in other people's lives. In fact my lack of curiosity and apathy towards people posts, sometimes makes me wonder why I am still hanging out in the social networking quagmire! The friends that I had hoped to find has been found - communication channels have been reopened - old wounds have healed - tears wiped and snot dried...now what? My status updates are becoming more and more vapid, my albums show a picture perfect but completely bland suburban family on vacation...at parties - just looking at those pictures makes me want to throw up!!! Old class-mates who are now married, some with grown up kids are leaving suggestive comments on my profile pictures - I guess at my age I should be flattered by such attentions. My friend-list used to be pretty decent sized and made me feel all popular and wanted till I went on a ruthless spring cleaning and deleted half the lurkers and inert people who had nothing important or interesting to add to my life or to my wall for that matter.
Talking about friends, I have this friend - actually I have no idea why I call her my friend...in the last 10+ years that I have known her, she hasn't done anything remotely friendly. She owes me money, takes advantage of my generosity and decency all the time, doesn't have any positive thing to say about anything or anybody, raises my blood-pressure and gets me agitated every time I speak to her...overall the most toxic person I have ever known. I cannot remember a single instance where she has helped me in my times of trouble or has lend a hand or shoulder when I needed a friend. If anything, she has tried to poison my mind against common friends and I'm pretty sure she has been bad-mouthing me to other people too. After all, those who gossip with you, will surely gossip about you too!! Anyway, so this person's husband had a ski accident last week and has torn multiple ligaments and is going to be out of commission for a while. That's really terrible! She's of course depressed and worked up.
I avoided calling the first few days because I knew they'll be overwhelmed by the sheer number of well-wishers dropping by and calling to check on them. Finally when I called she ranted and riled about how horrible it has been with non-stop phone calls and deluge of visitors. Between doctors appointments and entertaining visitors she has absolutely no time to even collect her thoughts. I let her vent, as much as she wanted and offered her words of wisdom from my own experience in knee-surgery - what to expect and what not to do etc. including the contact information of my surgeon.
Last night I met another couple for dinner. Boy, news travels fast!! The first thing I hear from them is that how I didn't offer any sympathy to this friend in this trying time and apparently how I told her that her husband being the unfit sloth that he is should have thought before going to the ski slope and if he has torn ligaments he totally deserved it! I was completely stunned and I still am. I have no reaction other than to feel sad and let down yet again by this woman. Unfortunately, I cannot block her out completely from social contact - at least till I get my money back...but whatever precarious thread this relationship was hanging on has now finally snapped.